Stacey Moves

Saturday, September 23, 2006

KALI MERA! As I drift through life searching for familiarity in every face I meet, oftentimes I find what I am longing for takes form in my opposite. I bellydance, make curry for dinner, and take solace in Turkish pop music and hummus. Let us not forget the men. Could I have been reincarnated as a white girl to teach my people about the East? Perhaps. I see more of myself in Ganesh than the Virgin Mary. These inklings of doubt as to my heritage solidified last night as I twirled my heart out on stage at the Greek Festival, accompanied by live music and a real-life court jester; I'm not sure how Greek that is, but it's unique. I almost wore jeans last night. I almost wore my hair up. I almost forgot my silver bangle bracelets. But somehow I knew that wearing my hair down, putting on my pink gypsy skirt and adorning myself with exotic jewelry was the right way to go. I learned Greek words, practiced traditional folk dances and ate too much philo dough. It made me feel incredibly alive. I long to be part of a culture that celebrates life by dancing and eating and preserving tradition. Unfortunately, I do not mean "The Electric Slide", potato chips and Super Bowl Sunday. Never knowing my real heritage has given me the opportunity to explore everyone else's but prevented me from embracing my own. So now I give thanks for my untethered past, allowing me to absorb so much of the world's diversity with ease, but I hope to find a tradition of my own- one to sustain me and connect my life with something bigger. Something old and distinct, to lend some geography to my life. Efharisto.

Sunday, September 10, 2006

For today's Afternoon Drama.... Stacey's 'To-Do' List

FIGURE OUT LIFE (I have yet to come up with a way to keep this light and breezy. Does 'breezy' have an 'e' in it? I mean in addition tothe first two? Anyway, I am really wondering what the hell this life is all supposed to be about? I'm feeling very "I Heart Huckabees" about it all. I mean, yes, I see the value in the inter-connectedness of life and getting down the core of myself, but then I wonder- Why? If life is a puzzle made up of all the little pieces, when the hell do I get to see the final picture? All this in-between stuff is damn infuriating. 9-5 jobs are damn infuriating, and pretty mind-numbing in my opinion. I do have an agenda in mind with this current 9-5er, however I do wonder about the next 345 days (give or take) of my life- sitting behind a desk at an up-scale (former) dude-ranch, swiping credit cards for upwards of $16,ooo. Will I change my mind and become a hotel manager? Will I lose my will to live? Will I be accepted into grad school and move to London, never to return again? These things gnaw (what a great word?) at me day and night, and in the meantime, WHO IS GOING TO WIN PROJECT RUNWAY?! And what do I do after I know the winner?! Start Season 3 of Grey's Anatomy, of course. The days press on, and I continue to drink cup after cup of coffee when I say I'm going to stop, and bread keeps appearing on my plate afer I remind myself that I don't feel good when I eat it (usually because 'eating bread' translates to gorging on it) and somehow I still don't believe that deprivation and self-loathing are not the answers to my problems; progress feels elusive. I find, ironically, that what keeps me moving forward is this constant struggle; my plight, my burden, which I push up the mountain, day after day, for all eternity, that is what keeps my engine running. I live for the pain. Oh, the drama.)
GO TO TRADER JOE'S- dark chocolate, micro greens, soy milk, cheese
stacey+james mcavoy!
luv 4-ever

email brent about letter of rec
call bada on tuesday- BUY CALLING CARD!