Stacey Moves

Saturday, March 15, 2008

i related to a small bug yesterday. i was sitting outside reading, enjoying one of the rare days of perfect weather in houston, and this tiny insect appeared on the upper corner of the page. "hello," i said, struck by it's harmlessness. she (i'm sure it was a she) was no bigger than a sesame seed, and reddish-black. i think she may have been a baby ladybug. and she waited patiently on the page while i read, descending steadily down the page with my eyes...pausing when i paused to re-read that funny line. clever girl.
then it occurred to me- i am this bug. i appear, harmless and strangely noticeable, and gingerly move about just within the periphery. "is she a ladybug? or just some random insect? feckless and discolored? eh, no matter." that's what plays in my head when i'm in a new setting, with new people, especially male people. i just never used the insect analogy before. but it's perfect.
when it was time to turn the page, i began to lift the paper gently to see if she would catch the hint. she sat there- hard to tell if it was happily or out of fear- but i offered her a gentle nudge; i applied pressure to the paper with my fingernail until she began the trek uphill, up and over to page 54, resting again in the corner, waiting.
i finished the next two pages quickly, engrossed by the images painted by the author's full words. then suddenly, i noticed my bug was gone! my eyes and heart wilted for a breath, and i realized i hadn't said good-bye. all i did was think about myself and my sorrows, instead of really getting to know that little baby lady. oh well. perhaps i'll see her again...crimson and covered in spots, the markings of a true lady.


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